Morning of August 14, 2009

I think I read somewhere that most of your dreaming happens in the very end of your sleep, so I'll label these posts by the morning I wake up. I also rarely ever get to bed before midnight, so there ya go. ;)

Okay, this morning I had some pretty cool dreams, from my point of view. I also remembered some other dreams that I either had a few weeks back or that I just had this morning and it feels like I had them a while ago. I can never really tell. This morning's dreams had some pretty profound imagery to me. The imagery seems really trivial, but I think there's a deep meaning, as you'll see.

The main component of my dream began in the living room of a large, darkened house. It's not my house, or any house I've been in before, but it's my parent's house in my dream. It reminds me of a house my family lived in during junior high, though... quite a bit different, though.

I think there was some faint glow, like a small fire, but there wasn't actually a fire. It was just mood lighting, I guess. :) I am cuddling up with a cute girl on the couch, under a blanket. She's the prototypical my-kind-of-girl. She's got curly blond hair and glasses. God, I love curly blond hair and glasses. Anyway, we're cuddling a little, and my mom happens to step out of the master bedroom and sees us. She whispers something to my dad, and he steps out, sees us, and whispers something back to her. I tell this girl (why don't they ever have names?) that we better probably go upstairs.

(shift)

I'm coming down the stairs from the bedroom. I suddenly hear music start on the computer. I think, "Crap! That's going to wake up my parents and I'm going to get in trouble!" So, I rush down the stairs and madly try to hit the stop button. There's some kind of artwork on the screen, like a painting of a big, gray, flat kind of fortress, set in the bottom of a cliff wall made of red rock. The music turns off, and I turn to go, but it turns back on and run back to turn it off again. Now, this guy I knew a long time ago who's now a musician in a pretty good band is at the computer trying to turn it off, too. Apparently, he's better at turning off the music than I am, so it works for him.

I just realized that I identify with this fellow a lot more than I realized. For one thing, while I was typing the last sentence of the last paragraph, I accidentally typed "me" instead of "him" as the last word. I've always respected him. He was intelligent, talented, and always had interesting things to say. I've often thought that it's unfortunate that I was better friends with his older brother than him, because I've actually got more in common with him. His brother turned out to be no good friend at all, but hey, are there ANY teenagers who turn out to be good friends? Anyway, I think he symbolizes a side of me that I subconsciously respect and trust more than my conscious self-perception.

(shift)

Getting back to the girls... Well, me and the blond chick start heading up to the bedroom. We see this cute little brunette alternative-looking chick on the way up. "Yeah, I meet hot chicks inside my own house all the time. Don't you?" >.< Anyway, this brunette starts coming upstairs with us. It's no big deal, though. There are other people upstairs. We're just getting away from the 'rents.

So, she gets to the top of the stairs and says, "I can't come inside. I really need coffee grounds." I tell her that we can get her coffee grounds, and that she should totally come inside with us. I totally have no idea how we would have come up with some coffee grounds, though. There are around five or six guys and girls inside the room, upstairs. It's actually quite empty, and the people are sitting on the floor. They're my friends, though I couldn't name a one of them. There are some various items strewn around the room... to add character, I guess.

Anyway, she seems to respond well to my suggestion, but she still seems a little wary. I think she's a little shy. I don't know why this stood out, but she was wearing a black, shear spaghetti strap top, and one of the straps had fallen down. She was wearing something else underneath, so it wasn't revealing, but it sure was goddamn cute.

Okay, a little about symbolism. I think the biggest symbolism in the previous couple paragraphs was the coffee grounds. I don't like coffee, myself, but I sure like the smell of coffee grounds. I think she kind of symbolizes another aspect of myself. She wants to be with other people, but she has other needs that she feels are more important. Coffee grounds, I think, symbolize social interactions. I've recently read up a bit on Asperger's Syndrome. Sounds scary, right? One youtube video I watched said that this condition can demonstrate itself especially well in one way: they greatly desire close friendships, but they lack the understanding of how to develop them.

Well, there's probably no better way to describe my life than by that last sentence. Does that mean I have that condition? I have no idea, but it's made me think about things a little differently than before. For instance, I've always been a bit bewildered by some people's ease of friendships and social interactions. They totally don't make any sense to me. Why should one person who acts like an ass have a ton of friends, and me acting like a rational human being has (what feels like) none? Well, Asperger's basically says that, if you have this condition, you don't understand non-verbal social interactions. I've heard it said that 90% of communication is non-verbal. I can get that. It makes sense to me. I just don't see it. So, it also makes sense to me why I don't connect with people that CAN see it. I just wasn't wired that way. They're expecting me to communicate with them on a level that I don't even know exists. And, being that way for so long, I don't know if I'd want it differently. I have a different perspective on "normal people" than others do.

Well, that's a bit of a long post, so I'll break up the rest of my ramblings for the next post. If you see any part of this post that you're curious about, I'd be more than happy to ramble about it for you. The next post will be dreams that felt like they happened before today, but you can never be too sure with these things, now can you? :)